Going Through The Files

When I was going through the files today, trying to find something I could write about, I was surprised at what I found because there were a lot of things I thought I had discarded long ago. Now many writers have this problem because we want to keep everything because you never know when you might need it. Here’s the first item I found:

Wanted: A woman proficient with handcuffs and the ability to pick locks. Weaponry is a must. Martial arts training is preferred, but not required. Must be able to conduct physical labor, such as bending, carrying, running, and scaling walls. If you meet these criteria, please email Syd or Christy today.

The possibilities are endless here. You could have a group of thieves or maybe a group of spies. You could have people looking for a crew for their space ship or to guard someone. I am definitely putting this one toward the top as I know I can write something clever for this little tidbit.

Another item I found very interesting in my idea file was this ad from eBay regarding a pair of leather pants for sale. I even went as far as to write the seller to get their permission to use this ad because it is so damn good. I plan to dedicate the story to them if they so desire. And the story I’m planning around this one I’m hoping will see the light of day sometime next year.

You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.

Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:

I am not a member of Queen.

I do not like motorcycles.

I am not Rod Stewart.I am not French.

I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.

Please buy these leather pants.

I find this one highly entertaining and have a thousand thoughts whirling through my head from the moment I first read it.

How about you? Do you as a writer find yourself with bits and pieces which seem to have no relevance to anything? Or are you more organized than I am, placing each one in a folder describing the very nature of the tidbit?

Drop me a line and let me know as I am really interested in learning how other authors deal with their idea files and little bits of information which may or may not be used in their stories.

Till next week…

Lynn