Titanium Ovaries

As of Wednesday, I really didn't have anything to write about, but we all know that the Goddess has a sense of humor, and she bitch slapped us on Tuesday. For those of you who know us, you'll get a kick out of this...

We have a neighbor, and I'm not saying who it is, that constantly complains about cats pooping in her yard. I know. I know. She's obviously not paying attention to what's going on around her, or she's so bored with her life that she has time to worry about a cat pooping. Sad, but true.

Anyway, on Tuesday afternoon, my partner and I found a Notice of Violation from the City of Fort Worth tagged to our door. Yes, really. I couldn't make this up. Us. The people who pick up strays and have them fixed because it's the responsible thing to do. The same people who take injured cats to the vets, nurse them back to health and find them homes. Yes, us.

The "Notice of Violation" states that we failed in:
1- Restraint of Animal(s)
My animals do not ever leave the house without me.
2- Failure to provide/display current rabies vaccination.
Don't you have to be asked for it to consider it a failure to show proof?
-And-
3- Unaltered animal(s)/no intact permit
All of our animals sing soprano, why would I need an intact permit?

Additional Comments from the code officer states,
"getting complaints that you allow your cat to leave your property."
Okay. Okay, I give...only when he asks nicely for the car keys.

Really? This has to be some kind of a joke...
I called the "officer" and asked which one of our animals were seen leaving our property.
His response was "read the pamphlet."
Did that answer my question? NO. So, I asked again, and again he came back with one of two standard answers, either "he's your cat" or "read the pamphlet."
He said and I quote, "a cat was seen leaving your property."
In my infinite wisdom, I asked, "If birds fly over my house, are they considered mine too?"
His response was...you guessed it! "Read the pamphlet."

This continued for twenty minutes.
I asked for a supervisors name and after another twenty minutes of the officer yelling and threatening me that his supervisor would side with him, he finally released the "secret" name. I called and left a message. Can you believe I still haven't heard back from him?

Here's what has me chapped.
1- My animals don't ever leave my property without me. Period end of discussion.
2- This Code Compliance Officer is accusing me of violating city code when he can't even give me a description of the cat that allegedly pooped in my neighbor's yard. As if it's my problem and
3- The alleged cat was considered mine because he was seen leaving my property. Really?

Is this truly about the cat? No, but it's going to cost me time, energy and money to prove the cat isn't mine, so I don't get fined.
It's about this ill-mannered officer trying to force us into taking responsibility for the cat because he failed to do his job and that's not my problem.
My animals may be fixed, but my titanium ovaries are intact, baby. Bring it on!

Shame on you Fort Worth and Mayor Moncrief for allowing city employees to treat the city's residents so poorly.

My Busy Week

I have a lot to talk about this week.

First, I’ll be turning in More Than Robotics this afternoon. Everyone who is a BSG fan will like it since it has a similar theme. It is the second book in the Orchid series and is about a group of people and another group called clonedroids. The clonedroids, bio-cybernetic units, have been programmed to replace key human personnel but there is a faction of them who think it is wrong and side with the humans. Then there are those of Orchid who have been genetically engineered or altered or had cybernetic replacement parts utilized when they have been severely injured on a mission. Not all members of Orchid are cybernetically enhanced but they understand their mission parameters and know they may become one of them.

The book covers a short period of time when a group of clonedroids are trying to take over the ship the Hannibal from Captain Bekka Taylor. She is being protected by the cybernetically enhanced Orchid operative, Lieutenant Javid Malik. But Bekka has her own secrets as she was once known as the Fiery Phoenix by those with her in the academy. She must reconcile just who she is before she love again and become a leader in this offensive against the clonedroids.

At this time, the book is slated for an October 1 release date. I’ll keep everyone posted but I am just so jazzed it’s in the can, so to speak.

Second, I was privileged enough to see the film What Goes Up with one of the producers Saturday evening in Las Vegas. I went with some trepidation as I had heard from my DIL, who's the producer's niece, that while she thought the first cut was good, it had some issues. And unfortunately, I am very critical when it comes to movies due to my writing background.

I have to say I was truly amazed at the quirkiness and depth of this story. Yes, it did have some issues. There were places where I would have liked to have more in-depth characterization, there were places I thought the pacing was slow and it had some disjointed action. The acting was good and dead on with what characters had on their plates. And in all honesty, this is the type of movie that comes out of the blue and ends up a cult favorite. It is that good in some strange way.

It’s about the week leading up to the space shuttle Challenger disaster. So, maybe part of this is because I can remember this week so well myself. I was just out of college and worked for Lockheed. We were on top of the world and it just came crashing down on us all that Thursday morning. I can't imagine having the whole week being that bad. LOL!

Then again, maybe it's the part about being adult enough to understand when you've done something so wrong yet there is no way to ever take it back. I remember this lesson well too.

Or maybe, it's just that the misfits are so true to life I can empathize with what is going on in their lives. I know I would have been devastated if my favorite teacher had died during my high school years no matter what the cause. Still, it would have been worse if said teacher had committed suicide. I was angsty enough then to have wondered if it were my fault in any way at all as some of these students did.

Adding all these elements up, you have one heck of a story that can appeal to the masses. And I have to say in an odd, quirky little way, I liked it.

And last, another author, Lex Valentine, is desperately searching for a place for her three adorable kitties. Something has happened so she has to give them up. She lives in Southern California, so if you all know anyone in need of some feline companionship, send them her way. Here’s her blog for you all to drop by and see them here: http://flirtyauthorbitches.com/2009/06/02/mobilizing/

That’s about it for this week. See you next.

Lynn

Four legged friends

I spent part of today at the Michigan Animal Rescue League walkathon. My daughter and her fiancée were walking their two dogs along with countless other people and their pooches to raise money. I should not go to those places because they always have something adorable up for adoption and I can’t resist.

Amazingly enough today, I saw nothing that caught my eye. Does that mean I have either grown up and the ‘oh I want that’ phase is over? No, more like “OMG, I have to get up at 2:00 a.m. to take it out in the freezing cold to piddle.” And honestly, most of the dogs there were BIG dogs. Now I have nothing against big dogs. I have one, a Shepard-golden Cassie who is about to turn 14 and weighs around 70 pounds.

It’s a great event they put on. There were passing out free wreaths for your door, with little fake dog biscuits on them and a dog’s head at the top of the wreath. Mine is a bright purple color trim. And they had pizza, breadsticks, pop, water, hot dogs, chips and all for free as well.
My daughter was excited as she raised $216.00 for the walk. Her dogs Maizie and Bentley, my grand doggies were there and of course lost all inclination to mind her when I walked up. They were more concerned with seeing me. Works for me (G). Her one dog Bentley, is a King Charles Cavalier spaniel and Beagle mix (looks more like a beagle) and is very smart. But would go home with the first person who offered him a biscuit. Maizie on the other hand is a Border collie mix, smart as a whip and only likes those who she already knows. She’s scared of anyone she doesn’t know.

So I walked them around for a bit, found them dog biscuits to eat, and made the appropriate noises about the adoptable dogs. (G) And then came home empty-handed. Ok, not quite. I stopped at Culvers and got a Pepsi float, then came home.

I don’t know how it is in your state, but here in Michigan dogs and cats, and other animals are being dropped off at the shelters on a daily basis due to families being unable to afford to keep them. In the past two days, MARL (Michigan Animal Rescue League) has had 18 dogs dropped off at their door. It’s a horrible thing, but it is reality. Times are tough, people are struggling, and unfortunately animals are not at the top of the list. I feel for the animals in this case. They are the unwilling losers in this game of chance. They have no other means of taking care of themselves and depending on their age, may not be lucky enough to get adopted again. I saw Abby, a mixed breed Lhaso today who is 9 years old. Along with her was a tiny black puppy. Guess what, everyone was oohing and aahing over the puppy and barely giving Abby a second glance. I feel for her but I can’t save them all either.

Right now my dog is battling cancer. Cassie is too old to be operated on and the tumor is in a basically inoperable site. While she is not in pain, I worry everyday about the decision I will soon have to make. It’s inevitable. I know it, the vet knows it, and possibly Cassie knows it. The one thing I am trying to avoid is having to do it while my son is home for 10 days from the Army starting next Wednesday. She is his baby. He would do anything for her and does. He eats a sandwich, she gets half. He spoils her more than I do. So I pray she doesn’t take a turn for the worse until he is gone. Then I will face the decision I dread. That is the one part of having an animal that I hate the most. Losing them. Loving them is easy, losing them is hard.

So, hug your four legged babies, play with them and always remember the unconditional love they bring to you and your family. Have a wonderful Sunday.

A Day At Panera

stephanihecht72: Hi!

pattishenberger: Well, it's another Sunday morning here in chilly Michigan and time for Stephani and me to post our blogs. This week we thought about doing something new and exciting. Okay, maybe it's only new and exciting to us.

stephanihecht72: I'm pretty sure it's only new and exciting to us.

pattishenberger: Me to, but it sounded cool when I wrote it.
We're sitting here in Panera's. Heaven knows we do nothing without food being involved.

stephanihecht72: No, food coffee and Pepsi are always a must whenever we get together. Coffee for me, Pepsi for Patti.
Of course, if there are cookies too, who are we to complain?

pattishenberger: Not me. I'm always up for a good cookie.
So while we are sitting here trying to figure out what to order for lunch, we thought about interviewing each other. I know you've all seen the regular interviews about us, but now how about some down and dirty, insider information type questions.

stephanihecht72: The really nitty gritty stuff that not even our own families know about. It goes much deeper than stolen sock monkeys and evil children.

pattishenberger: And with that in mind, let's start the ball rolling. Stephani, tell me what do you prefer on a guy, any guy, not just your hubby. Do you like boxers or briefs, or better yet commando?

stephanihecht72: Wow, we are just jumping straight into the fire pit! LOL Okay, I much prefer boxers. But, not the goofy ones with smiley faces on it. I want a man, not a tool. How about you? What do you like covering your man's twig and berries?

pattishenberger: Well, first and foremost I would prefer a thick sturdy branch, not a twig with a few withered berries. I'm going for the boxers also. Preferably the red or black silky ones.

stephanihecht72: Not the ones with the elephant trunk? Okay, now my turn for a question? Have you ever had whoopee in a car?
And yes I just said whoopee.

pattishenberger: Yes, I have. Though it's been years. These old bones don't do so well crawling around the back of a car anymore and the new compact jobs don't give you enough room up front.
Wow, it's really getting hot here in Paneras.

stephanihecht72: Yes, it is and we are sitting in the middle of the old crowd too. If they only knew.... I made whoopee in a tiny S-10 truck once. Mind you this was when I was much, much younger and much, much more limber. Since I live in a small town and I know many of the police force I was worried that I would see an old family friend knocking on the window with his flashlight to ask us what was going on.

pattishenberger: Can you just see the headlines now. Local author gets caught with pants down. Ok, let's talk fantasy now. If you could spend the night with anyone, guy or gal and your hubby wouldn't be upset, who would you pick?

stephanihecht72: Former Red Wing, Brenden Shannahan. That guy is so hot I just want to take him home and feed him milk and cookies. Dark haired with the cutest smile, I loved watching him play. I was so sad when he left Detroit. How about you? What man floats your boat?

pattishenberger: Definitely Bruce Willis. I have lusted over him for years it seems. From Die Hard, to The Story of Us, to Moonlighting, he's the one for me. Hmm, wonder if he would feel the same way.

stephanihecht72: Of course he would! You are one hot tamale. Even now there is a guy in the corner checking you out. Granted he is so old he has to take his teeth out between bites, but hey, it's a guy all the same.
Sent at 11:09 AM on Sunday
pattishenberger: Oh yeah, somehow I don't think that's a compliment. If he requires oatmeal thru a straw because of the teeth, count me out! I had a great aunt who used to take her false teeth out all the time, put them in a drawer and then promptly forget where she put them. So every now and then you would open a drawer to get something and there would be her choppers smiling up at you. Not a pretty sight.
All right Stephani, of all the things I do know about you, there are still things I don't know. How about what's your favorite color? Favorite day of the week? Favorite flavor of ice cream?
Sent at 11:12 AM on Sunday

stephanihecht72: My favorite color is dark blue, because it makes me look thin when I wear it. My favorite day of the week if Sunday because we have no activities with the kids that day, so we can all be lazy and watch bad movies on the Sci-Fi channel. My favorite ice cream is the Birthday Cake Batter one at Cold-Stone. I kid you not; it tastes just like the cake batter we all used to lick from the bowl as kids.
How about you, Patti? What is your favorite color? Day of the week? Ice cream flavor?
Sent at 11:18 AM on Sunday

pattishenberger: My favorite color is really two colors - forest green and burgundy. Favorite day would be Sunday because, you said it Stephani, it's a lazy day and I'm really good at being lazy. Ice cream I'm much more boring. Normally I tend toward plain old chocolate ice cream, but we have a farm dairy out my way that has the best chocolate almond ice cream. The cows are so friendly there that you can pet them and the high school kids poster paint them every Halloween. I kid you not.
Sent at 11:23 AM on Sunday

stephanihecht72: Oh, I know that dairy farm! I used to go there as a kid. Okay, next question. What was the first romance book you read?

pattishenberger: The Flame and The Flower by Kathleen Woodiness. A classic back then and now too.
You?

stephanihecht72: Shanna by the same author. Then I went on to read every book I could get written by Julie Garwood. I was addicted to her book like a fat kid is addicted to Mild Duds.

pattishenberger: Mine was Jude Deveraux. I've read everything she's ever written. Hey are Mild Duds anything like milk Duds? (G)

stephanihecht72: Be nice, I'm trying to type while eating my soup. The soup really is yummy at Panera. I love the French onion.

pattishenberger: I've got the Cream of Chicken with wild rice. Very good. Ok, let's kick it up a notch as Emeril says. What's the first dirty movie you ever watched, not counting skin flicks from the video store?
Sent at 11:31 AM on Sunday

stephanihecht72: I'm going to say Blue Lagoon, just because I was so young at the time it was dirty to me. My mom kicked me out of the room, but I still peeked around the corner to see what was up. A couple of years later, I watched Fast Times at Richmond High. I was attending a private religious school at that time, so it just shocked my socks off.
How about you?

pattishenberger: It would have to be The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea. An obscure movie that I wonder if anyone but me, my grandmother, my aunt, and my great grandmother went to see. They wanted to see it because it had Kris Kristofferson in it. And it was weird. The kid was watching his mom and Kris going at it through a peephole in his bedroom wall. Then later in the movie this kid (very troubled) performs surgery on the cat without anesthesia. At that point, my family walked out. They are huge animal lovers. So apparently the sex didn't put them over the edge but the cat did.
Very weird movie.

stephanihecht72: Wow! That sounds like one crazy movie. The cat would put me over the edge too.
Speaking of animals? Not very many people know this, but my Ugly Ass Cat has a crush on you. Do you want to take her home?

pattishenberger: Yup, in a heartbeat. I think Peep is so cute, even if she doesn't have real fur. She looks like Dr. Evil's cat in Austin Powers. I bet my annoying rodent boy Ace (really a grey cat) would love her to death.
Even if he couldn't do anything about it.
stephanihecht72: I would be lube at first sight. We could write a romance novel about it. Call it Ugly Cat and the Rodent. I can just see the cover now.

pattishenberger: OMG! I am cracking up. I love that title. The cover would be so scary it would warn people off.

stephanihecht72: We could give ugly cat fifty pounds of flowing blonde hair and one of those bodice ripping gowns. Rodent would have to have no shirt on and a mullet would be a must.

pattishenberger: This makes me want to go home, take a picture of Ace and head for Photoshop.
Ace with a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet. Swiveling his hips to Achy Breaky Heart, while Peep stands at the side of the stage, tossing her flowing blonde hair over her back and then tripping on it when she walks.
If nothing else, it makes for a nice bed for them to sleep on.

stephanihecht72: Then she could throw her itty, bitty kitty panties at the stage!

pattishenberger: Oh good, I almost choked on my sandwich with that one.

stephanihecht72: Why are all the people at Panera looking at us like we're loons. You would think they'd never seen two grown ladies laughing their asses off. Although Patti's would be suitor did put his teeth back in so he could smile and wink at her.

pattishenberger: Oh gross. Okay we are seriously digressing now. See what caffeine does to us?
One last question and we'll send you all back to your regularly scheduled programming. Stephani, finish this sentence about your writing. In five years, I can see myself..........

stephanihecht72: I would like to be writing full-time and making enough to put my son through college and keep my daughter in dance shoes. Hey, if Steven Spielberg ever wanted to make a movie out of one of my books, I wouldn't complain about that either.
Now, it's you turn Patti. You finish the sentence.

pattishenberger: hmmm, this is a toughie. In five years, I would like to be making enough money to not worry about not having money. I would love to be a NY Times best selling author by then, but wouldn't argue if it happened sooner. And most of all, I want to still be writing the books I love to create.

stephanihecht72: Well, we better wrap this up since the manager just came over and kicked us out for causing such a ruckus. He also gave us notice to never, ever, ever darken his doorway again. So next time we will be doing our chat a brand new location. Stay tuned.

pattishenberger: Wait, stop, unhand me. I’m a paying customer. Oh look they have cookies.

My Ugly Cat.

It’s no secret that I have the ugliest cat in history. Before you ask the picture above isn’t really her. In the two years we have owned Peep, it has been near impossible to snap a photo of her. Every time we get a camera out she runs in the opposite direction, shrieking in kitty language, “No paparazzi! No paparazzi!” So the only images we have ever been able to capture on film have been a tail, a flank, or a butt. Not that I blame her. If I was as ugly as she was I wouldn’t want pictures of me either. While Peep may be hideous, she does have her pride.

I still remember the day Peep was brought home. My daughter had desperately wanted a cat forever. The problem is my son is deathly allergic. Our Aunt Donna made it her quest to find an allergy free cat. After hours of research she called me.

“I found the perfect cat. It’s called a Devon Rex and I found one of Pet Finder. It’s four-years old and is in desperate need of a new home?”

“I don’t know,” I hedged. “Is it a good idea to buy a used cat?”

“This breed usually costs close to a thousand dollars, this one will only set you back four hundred.”

“Used cat it is!”

Since I was working, my husband and kids made the two-hour trip to pick Peep up from her old home. As soon as they had her in the car they called me at work. The first thing I heard as soon as I answered was this god awful warbling sound. It sounded like someone had stuck a clown horn in a garbage disposal.

“What in the hell is that?” I asked.

Meeeeeooooooow!

“That is our new bundle of joy,” hubby drawled. Oh no! I knew that tone. Something wasn’t good.

Meeeeooooooow!

“What’s wrong?”

“Did your aunt say this thing was a mutant or something?”

Meeeeooooooow!

“No, I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that in our conversation. What’s wrong with Peep?”

“Well let’s see. She is the size of a rat, is nearly bald, has big alien eyes, buck teeth, freaky whiskers, super long legs and she kind of smells funny.”

“Leave Peeps alone, Daddy!” my daughter shrieked in the background. “Don’t listen to him, kitty. You are beautiful and I love you.”

Meeeeooooooow!

“Our new kitty is ugly?” I whispered.

“Very. Did I mention stinky too?”

“God help us all.”

Meeeeooooooow!


As soon as I got home and saw Peep none of it mattered. I instantly fell hopelessly in love with her, stink and all. A month later I had major surgery. The entire time I was recovering she sat on my lap and gave me her support. We have been inseparable ever since. As soon as I get home she runs as fast as her bowlegs will allow her to greet me at the door. While Peep is officially my daughter’s cat, it is me that she misses when we are on vacation and I am the one who takes care of her.

So while I may complain about the smelly beast often know it’s all tongue in cheek. I love my cat and I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

-Stephani