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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Deadlines!!!!

Sorry if this blog is short, but I’m currently in deadline hell and my mind is not my own. I often see writers proclaim on Twitter, blogs, MySpace and other forums about being in deadline hell, but unless you’re an author you really have no idea what that means. So, I have decided to share with you a day in the life of a romance writer.
7:30 AM-Wake up to find that you’ve fallen asleep at the keyboard the night before. And I mean you literally crashed with you face resting on the laptop. After you get paper towels to clean up the puddle of drool between the “E” and “R” keys, you make some coffee to wake up. You’re still dressed in the same ratty sweatpants and t-shirt from the day before, but you don’t have any clean clothes to change into so you leave them on
8:00 AM-The cat is screaming to be fed so you dig around for cat food. Since you haven’t cleaned in a week, the place looks like a candidate for “Clean House”. You finally find the Friskies under a pile of dirty clothes. You are so tired you giggle at the name “Friskies” for five minutes.
10:00 AM-After two hours of writing, you reward yourself by Googling your name. You find your books at two new pirate sites, a lukewarm review for your last release and a dismaying news article. Someone who kind of has a name like yours was arrested for exposing themselves to farm animals. As you think about how this will ruin your image, you wonder if that kind of crime is a misdemeanor or a felony.
12:00 PM-Time for lunch! Since the kids are home, you throw pizza money at the teenager and make yourself a Lean Cuisine. Okay, who are we kidding here? You actually just grab a bag of chips and dip and polish it off between chapters.
1:45 PM-You are forced to take a break when you realize your daughter is outside and she’s dressed in an old ballet costume and cowboy boots. Not that you mind the outfit so much since the neighbors already know you’re loony, but it is raining outside. The last thing you need is to have to take time off from writing because you have to mop up muddy boot prints off the floor.
4:30 PM-Your mother calls to complain that you never have time for her anymore and you don’t care about anyone but writing. At least you think that’s what she says. You’re too busy typing on the laptop to really hear what she’s saying.
5:00 PM-You take time off to watch Penguins of Madagascar with your daughter. Because that show rocks!
6:00 PM-The husband was kind enough to make dinner. He throws you a plate of food and you eat, still typing like a mad woman. At this point you could be eating liver and onions and not realize it. All that matters is getting more words written. You are three thousand short of your daily goal and the day is already more than half over.
8:00 PM- You begin to despair at ever making your goal. The questions start. Why do I do this to myself? Why did I ever think I could be a writer? Will everyone think this book is absolute crap? Are there any Cheetos left?
10:00 PM-You’ve calmed down some. Fresh coffee is on, the bag of Cheetos are now just a memory. Only fifteen hundred words left to go, but you can feel the weariness hitting you.
12:00 AM-You run through the house rambling bits of dialog from your book. “I am a vampire and you are my lifemate! Let us make sweet, undead love!” The husband gets out of bed and leads you back to the keyboard.
3:00 AM-You’ve done it! 5,000 words in one day! You do a happy dance and celebrate until you realize you’re going to have to do it all again tomorrow. In your despair, you collapse onto the keyboard of the laptop and fall asleep.

-Stephani

9 comments:

C.R. Moss said...

"the place looks like a candidate for “Clean House”." yep. i'm hoping hubby gets disgusted enough to clean so my lazy ass doesn't have to.
"You are so tired you giggle at the name “Friskies” for five minutes." I could see that happening with me too. lol!
"You find your books at two new pirate sites, a lukewarm review for your last release" ugh. don't you hate that? but at least it's not finding you book being RENTED and a bad review. *sigh* googlebating can be bad for the ego.
"You actually just grab a bag of chips and dip and polish it off between chapters." yep. been there... um, still doing it...
"-You run through the house rambling bits of dialog from your book. “I am a vampire and you are my lifemate! Let us make sweet, undead love!” The husband gets out of bed and leads you back to the keyboard." ROFLMAO!!! that was good.
=)

Jenna Alexander said...

I love your 12:00 am 'hit the wall' mood. If I said that to my husband I'm quite sure he wouldn't be leading me out of the bed room. Ha ha.

Way to go! 5000 words in one day - wow!

The most I've ever done is 4000. The next few days my back hurt so bad.... I couldn't sit at my computer to type. Go figure.

Jenna

Lynn said...

ROTFLMAO!

You came to my house on Saturday early AM...right?

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it's all in the perspective, I normally do 5000 words a day. And while it's tough, it's tougher on the days it has to be 7 or 8K.

Still, you are thoroughly entertaining and I can so relate to the question: Why am I doing this to myself?

Thanks for a wonderful blog.

Lynn

Ginger Simpson said...

Thanks for the chuckle. I just tried to get out of my chair after spending the entire day on the computer,and realized I couldn't walk because both my feet are asleep. Funny, I was so busy typing I hadn't noticed until I butted heads with the wall on my way down to the floor. If my husband heard the thud, he pretended he didn't, but then he wasn't wearing his hearing aids earlier. I think I need to get one of those "help, I've fallen and can't get up, necklaces." What we do for the sake of writing!

Janice said...

Wow that is hilarious and sadly true.

At least that's the way I am while I write my nanowrimo. I'm in revision hell right now trying to get one of my old mss polished enough for a cover contest. My daughter is making dinner tonight, chicken curry yum.

Lol, if I muttered that to my hubby he would be pulling me into the bed, not leading me back to the keyboard.

Janice~

Christine said...

I don't normally have a sense of humor at 5:45 am, but your post left me snorting in my Cheerios. The line about having a similar name as someone who exposes himself to farm animals was fabulous. I'm glad to know there is another adult who loves The Penguins of Madagascar. Every time Rico regurgitates a weapon I crack up.

Erin Sinclair said...

Sooo been there! Sooo agree with it all!

Add this to your list dog attempts to pee on your leg as the last time you remembered taking him out was 12 hours prior.

Erin

Rebecca J Vickery said...

I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of seeing the imprint of the keyboard across my face when I glance in the bathroom mirror. Being dazed and half asleep, I would probably try to type a few words. LOL And I definitely need "Clean House" to pay a visit here. You're right, no on except another author/mother/wife would understand why we do this to ourselves.

Stephani Hecht said...

Thanks everybody for relating to me. The sad thing is with so many projects going, I will be at 5000 words a day for at least a few months. Ah, who am I kidding? I love doing this and wouldn't trade it for the world.

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