Thank you!

On June 16th, the Many Shades blog will be closed.
The authors thank you for your readership and hope you will come visit them at their personal sites via the links to the left.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Love, Loss & Giraffes

By A.J. Llewellyn

I once went to see a great medium, Tom Sexton, truly one of the most gifted people I have ever met.
He no longer works since extended illness overtook him but before my meeting with him, his wife told me to write down five questions on a piece of paper. When I finally got to meet Tom, he took the folded up page, but never looked at it. He simply held it in his hands and kind of mumbled. In fact, I heard a ton of gibberish as he started rocking back and forth and scribbled over two pages.
His eyes seemed to turn inward. He was staring away from the page, but his hand flew across it.
He handed me the first one and it contained my birth date, my city of birth and he said, "If this is wrong, we can't continue."
My palms became sweaty as I said, "No, it's correct."
I will never forget what he wrote down next on a second piece of white legal paper.
"I am still with you and always love you. I will be back as your unborn daughter in the year 2oo2. Love, your mother, Maria."
It was a stunning thing to see and I still have the page. I showed it to my dad shortly after the reading and we both cried.
I know in his heart he wished it to be true. My dad cautioned me that Tom was a medium, not a psychic. "He knows your deepest wish and that is to know your mother again, but please don't be upset if this doesn't come true."
Well, I never did have that baby girl come into my life and it most likely will never come to pass but the idea struck me way back then.
Can the people we love really die and come back - as other people?
I'm not the first person to think about this but it's always struck me that having a parent or sibling pass on and being reborn as an infant child is a safe kind of love.
What if your wife died and came a man?
My friend Leigh once told me she loves her wife so much she would love her even if she were a man, a woman or a giraffe. Leigh had been straight at the time she met Jan.
Leigh, a divorced mother of three children was actively looking for a man when she met her...giraffe.
I personally thought this was amazingly open of her and I've seen a huge, happy change in her. I've since quizzed tons of people since this idea took root in my brain for my new book, Tall, Mean and Darkly which published today at www.eXtasy
For me, the idea that I could love a person no matter their sex is lovely and noble but it's not me. I like men. Period.
The fictional me, Gavin Jago, is presented with the same question and a major dilemma when a hot hunk of a guy shows up at his door claiming to be his recently dead wife.
I took this idea to my frequent co-author Stephani Hecht and we had some sexy fun with poor Gavin's problem.
Stephani however is happily married to a wonderful guy and I am in a relationship with my own wonderful guy but I am quite sure her kids wouldn't want a giraffe for a dad.
But what about you? Could you love somebody no matter what sex they were?

Aloha oe,


Silver Pixies said...

i am surprised that no one commented yet.. i honestly think from past experiances that i could love a person and have in fact loved both sides of the coin.. i dont think true love or love for that matter should see sides at all.. we love who we love because there is just that something that we love about them.. i dont think my kids would be too terribly horrified if one day i feel in love with someone other then their dad.. i am trying to teach them that love has very few boundaries and should be without many restrictions. but again for those who know silver.. i am not normal, i dont look at things in a normal way nor do i try to be anything other then who i am.. abnormal.. i have the capacity to love a woman as much and as deeply as i do a man. That is something i am trying to instill into my kids.. however my 13yr is on the fence my 8yr boy thinks all girls have cooties and my 7yr girl i think lives in her own diva world.. my 1yr however just loves to be loved and doesnt care who loves on her as long ash she is loved on

Susilien said...

This is a difficult question. As far as loving a person for who they are, I can say yes. As far as living a love with someone, I just don't know. I would like to say yes. I would like to think I have that capacity with in me. I just don't know. I have friends all over the spectrum, but have only loved twice. Both guys. While I would love to be involved and in love, I have learned to wait. If someone comes along who isn't what I expect, I hope I am open. Wonderful Blog AJ. I like being challenged to think.

Serena Yates said...

This is a wonderful blog on many levels, A.J. I'm looking forward to reading the book to see what answer you and Stephani came up with.
I think this is one of the most difficult questions to answer - or to be honest about. I know from experience that color or disability don't stop me from loving someone. I am not so sure about gender. And I don't think I'll know until it happens to me. I would like to think I am open enough to the possibilities because I believe that love is about the person, not what they look like. The fact that I find it hard to imagine may or may not turn into an obstacle if I was ever faced with that situation.

I also think that your particular scenario, someone you love coming back in a different body, is different because you already know and love them. You 'just' have to get used to them looking differently. But who they fundamentally are hasn't changed. That, I imagine, would be easier than being confronted with an entirely new person who you still need to get to know.

Thanks for making me think.

Caroline said...

I absolutley believe that you could love a person no matter their sex. Love wants what it wants and the heart reaches out first. If we were smart we would just follow. But most of the time I think fear gets in the way.

Erin Sinclair said...

Yes, I could, just not sexually. I'm heterosexual, totally attracted to men, have no desire to have a sexual relationship with a woman but, I have found myself, however, loving my female friends so deeply, I could easily find myself living with one of them as a partners for the rest of our lives. I believe this is the crux of your question. It isn't about the physical it's about the spiritual, about two hearts that are in every way compatible, but for me not the sexual part.

I stand by my assertion from our interview so long ago, love knows no boundaries and I believe that includes death. I do believe in reincarnation, have had enough personal experiences to confirm the reality of multiple lives and readily accept your mother wanted to come back as your daughter.

An idea I believe that is not a closed matter to you AJ, it's rather you choose that path or not.


Anonymous said...

Great blog post, AJ! I loved it! In my humble opinion (which isn’t too popular with conservatives….)

There is no right or wrong way to love. Love just is. It may be hard to accept at times and even harder not to judge others. Yet, one needs to learn to go with the flow to the best of their ability, breathe in, breathe out and experience life the way it was meant to be.

If one is honest with themselves and allows opportunity, a feeling of ‘knowing’ washes over. An instant connection that regardless of the circumstances, YOU KNOW in your heart of hearts, that person was meant to be in your life, to be loved by you, to learn a lesson from, to share experiences with.

Now, one might not be in the position to be honest with them selves or open to the possibilities (as their minds have been cluttered with a life time of input from society, religious figures or well intending family members.) But if we don’t dismiss the potential and instead, open our minds to the prospective of new worlds and wonders, it will feel right and you will be at peace!

Though a warning here - equally disturbing is the power of opening yourself up to that type of love and acceptance, is that it can nearly destroy you when one leaves your sphere - especially if their mission was cut short by any interference.

I guess it all boils down to if one believes in reincarnation or the belief of a soul mate - (or even the theory of soul partners, those whose spirit sings the same harmony as yours, thus making you feel more confident and contented in your life's mission.) There is no stagmentation in the true flow of life.

With out a doubt in my mind, I know I can love, have loved, and will love again, those who are recycled in my many life times, no matter their gender, age, race or handicap. It may take me by surprise sometimes! And there have been times when I had to warm myself up to certain possibilities. Yet it has been all worth it, to experience love in its many bizarre shapes and forms and to bathe in the boundless energies of a true connection.

Whew! I hope I didn’t come off as a crazy zealot and scare anyone! I get rather impassioned with love and all its fractals!

George at

SiNn said...


I have to say awesome post and honestly loving someone shouldnt be about what sex they are butw ho they are as a person. Spirtually emotionally its all one package not what the out side wrapping is

Lynn Crain said...

What an interersting blog, A.J, and I would have to say that I would love the person not the vessel they are in.

And since I believe in reincarnation in some form, who knows what we were before now? Although I do wonder if I wasn't a guy, I was really agressive when I was younger, or someone who had servants, I like to be waited on hand and foot.

I also get some of the most intense feelings of deju vu than anyone I know. There were places in Scotland that I almost got physically ill and those made me wonder too.

Still, I would love the person and I do believe there are times when souls travel together through lifetimes, strange as it may sound.

Again, great post!


Sponsored by the search engine optimization services internet guide.